This morning, my son walked out the door for his first day of groep 8. Well prepared, knowing exactly where he needed to go. After a few metres, he saw another child carrying his school report. "Ohhhh, I forgot my report, we have to go back" he said. "Do you need it today, or is tomorrow also okay?" "Yes, that's fine." And we kept walking.

Watching him go, I remembered his actual first day of school. A sweet kleuter with a backpack almost bigger than he was. His big cousin was in groep 8 that year, and I remember thinking: Wow. Groep 8. That is so far away.
It wasn't. Eight years of primary school is nothing. It's a blink filled with playdates, partijtjes, homework and a lot of laundry. And suddenly, my little boy is one of the big boys.

The parenting plan

I read the books, and I had very good intentions...
My child would not game that much. Failed. He would eat all types of fruit. Also failed. No fizzy drinks. Well... Fanta is currently his favourite. And the sugar reduction? You know pancakes? The more icing sugar, the better. None of this matches the plan I had eleven years ago, when I was pregnant and knew nothing about parenthood.
And you know what? That's okay.
Reading about something and actually living it are two different things.

Dutch in real life

I see the same pattern with people learning Dutch. You can study the grammar, learn hundreds of words, complete a course. And then someone asks you a simple question and your brain says: English, please.
Because knowing Dutch and speaking Dutch in daily life are two different things. Real conversations are unpredictable. You make mistakes, forget vocabulary, say something that doesn't come out quite right. That doesn't mean you're failing, or being dom.
That's practice. That’s how you learn to speak a language. The same way you learn parenting: by doing, getting it wrong, and trying again.

The daily bowl of rauwkost

My son eats a bowl of rauwkost every single day. That part of the plan actually worked. 
I think I got that idea from the book French Kids Eat Everything.

One parenting victory. I'll take it :)
Maybe that's also how we should look at speaking Dutch. Don't focus only on everything you still can't say.

You can't learn everything from a book

I see this with so many women who come to me determined to finally speak Dutch.
She has studied the grammar, understands most of the conversations, has done the inburgering. And still, the moment someone asks her a question, her brain closes the door and hides behind English.
She had a plan too: learn the language and fluency will follow. It looks clean, no mistakes, no searching for words. That plan doesn't survive an actual conversation.

What survives is the small, unglamorous repetition. The daily bowl of rauwkost. The five minutes of speaking Dutch out loud, even when it comes out wrong. The willingness to start in Dutch at the checkout, at the school gate, in a language that might still feel borrowed. You don't become confident because you find the perfect method.
You become confident because you speak Dutch, use the words you know, stay in the conversation instead of switching to English, and do it again tomorrow. Until one day you realise: I'm actually speaking Dutch.

Your mindset shift

So today, while my big boy starts groep 8, I'm reminding myself I don't have to do everything perfectly. Not in parenting, not in learning. Some things you learn from a book. The most important lessons, you have to live them.

Where can you add your bowl of rauwkost today? Maybe it's five minutes of speaking Dutch. Maybe it's ordering your coffee in Dutch. Maybe it's staying in the conversation a little bit longer before switching to English. One conversation in Dutch, one mistake, maybe one more try and one very reliable bowl of rauwkost.

Do you recognise yourself in this? Understanding (almost) every word, but still freezing the moment someone expects an answer in Dutch?

You don't have to do it alone

They say it takes a village to raise a child. I think speaking Dutch is a little bit like that too. 
You don't have to figure it all out by yourself.

My free ebook Speak Dutch with Confidence is a practical guide to help you take the step from knowing Dutch to actually speaking it, using my three step approach

If you're ready for that mindset shift, the one that helps you speak Dutch with confidence instead of waiting until it feels perfect, download your free ebook here